July 13, 2024
I had a thought the other day which led to a feeling of sadness. Why did this happen? I’m certain that we’ve all experienced something similar and we’re left wondering if this isn’t like the chicken and the egg. Which came first? Do our thoughts trigger emotions, or do our emotions trigger thoughts? What if it’s yes to both? How do we begin to make sense of the paradox?
The easiest place to start is by looking at the relationship between the two. Thoughts are generated in the mind, feelings are generated in the body.
When we have a negative thought, even if it’s just fleeting, it wants to grow and replicate until it becomes overwhelming. We can sense it, but don’t know how to stop. According to neuroscientists, our minds cannot differentiate between thoughts that are real and those that are imagined. On the healthy side, this allows athletes to “rehearse” their performance before a game, or the principle behind any number of books promoting the power of positive thinking. On the negative side, this can lead to ruminating and catastrophizing. It’s far too easy to allow things to spiral into negativity. In both examples, it all starts with a thought—and that thought often determines the direction of the many thoughts that follow.
On the other hand, feelings are either the body’s reaction to a free and energetic flow of energy, or the response to a block in energy. It’s understood in the idioms we frequently use: nervousness is having “butterflies” in the stomach, being in love is described as having our hearts “soar”, fear causes our muscles to tense. Feelings, or emotions, are simply our body’s reaction to a stimuli, and this is expressed through energy.
If we use this as a framework, we can see that a negative thought can be viewed as being every bit as real as an actual threat. And the more attention we pay to the negative thought, the more real it becomes—and the more likely that our bodies will react with a negative emotion, or feeling. An emotion like fear can crop up even if it’s in the absence of an actual physical threat.
Often, we don’t understand where it came from or why? Our minds try to solve the mystery by finding a series of likely causes. These explanations are usually negative and tend to lead to more negativity. Soon, the thoughts begin to feed off of the original emotion and the spiral is underway.
So, what can we do about it?
As Sam Owen said, “Get in the driving seat of your thoughts. You control them and they absolutely control your life.”
Thoughts are easier to manage than your emotions. If you change the variable of thought through methods like positive affirmations, meditation, breath work, or even psychedelics, you start to control one half of the equation. It takes practice, but it’s very doable.
Emotions can only be controlled by paying attention to what your body is telling you. Feelings are simply an energy response, they do not define who you are. They are a reaction, often toward needs that are not being met. Fear can be the desire for security, shame for acceptance, guilt can be the desire for self-improvement. The problem we face, is that the more that these needs are not being addressed, the stronger the emotion becomes. Your body is trying to get your attention, but society is encouraging us to “suck it up,” and suppress those feelings. Just get on with it, ignore this nonsense. That’s our great fallacy. Only by paying real attention to what we are feeling can we begin to heal and live fuller, happier lives.
One more Sam Owen quote, “The long-term pain suffered by suppressing emotions is far greater than the short-term pain of confronting them.”
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